Jennifer Saake

I was 39 (13, 3 times over). That was 13 years ago.  I don't understand God's grace in allowing me to survive that day , or each of the days since. I was sure angry then that I was stuck in such a broken mind and body. But now I am so thankful. I'm thankful for these years to get right with God . I'm thankful for my husband who, after 19 years of marriage and 3 living children together, had to instantly become the "single father of 4, with his physically biggest and emotionally most immature, requiring exceeding high special needs care" for many years. Now 32 in, Rick is still fighting for us and our marriage. I'm thankful that Rick encourages my dreams and joys, while knowing me well enough to see when I've taken on more than I can actually handle, keeping me grounded by challenging me to realistically accept the goals that remain beyond my reach. I'm thankful to have been allowed to walk each of our babies into adulthood. If I even start unpackin...

Tomorrow will be the anniversary, my "re-birthday" when life stated over from square one. Thirteen years ago I heard the word "hypermobile" for the first time. I was 39 years old and a chiropractor had just rotated my neck and commented on my extreme flexibility. That first side of my neck adjusted upon first attempt, but the other side just wouldn't realign. After multiple attempts , my vertebral artery was ruptured in the back of my neck and I instantly experience two catastrophic (either should have been fatal) brain bleeds (strokes) there on the treatment table, initially triggering a seizure, blindness, slurred speech, and a rapid progression to loss of consciousness. I was in the hospital for nearly 2 months, shocking doctors that I even survived the first night. I had to relearn how to breathe without a machine, swallow, see, hear (we eventually discovered I had lost 70-90% of my hearing), sit up without two adults holding me, bladder control, and everyt...

I, Jennifer Saake , stumbled into the online world in my mid-early 20s, around 1995 or '96. As you may have noticed, I've been fairly quiet this past couple of years. Here's why. After processing my own journey online for so long, last year I sort of ran out of words and went into public hibernation. As I prepare to once again start fresh in an attempt to plunge back into the blogosphere, here's my backstory, divided into about 10 sub-headings so than you can skim topics. (Many of the headings are linked to more detailed pages.): Infertility, Miscarriages, Adoption Losses Three years in, our infertility and loss journeys became lived out in the public eye, as God allowed me the incredible privilege of interacting with tens of thousands of other grieving women, both through  Hannah's Prayer Ministries  and then, a decade later, with the publication of  my first book , Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, & Adoptio...