Jennifer Saake

I'm told that, due to copyright issues, I legally must tell a story that includes a recipe, rathan than being able to directly publish My Family's Very Favorite Banana Bread recipe. So here is my story... Tears are close to the surface today. It doesn't take much for them to spring into my eyes.  A kind word. A well wish. A verse of the Bible...  October 25, 2011. This was our "before and after moment," the single event that defines our family's history. My life has never been the same since. Nor my husband's life. Nor our children's... Yesterday was hard, reliving countless hospital memories I don't care to revisit, time paralyzed in the memories (some of being literally, physically locked in the confines of a mind unable to communicate movement signals to my body). Yes, diagnosed PTSD. The early hours of this morning I tossed and turned, desperately wanting to sleep through this whole da...

 I turned 39 less than 3 months before my  strokes .  This month I'll turn 49. I wasn't supposed to live. Not alive to the hospital. Not through the first night. Not through the first three days. Not through the first week... Surviving an entire decade makes no sense, medically speaking. I am (now) beyond grateful. (Oh boy, was I mad I had survived at first though!) I've gotten to raise two kids into adulthood and another is starting his second year of high school next month. (My initial worry that I would never get to raise them, was for totally different reasons !) I did not leave my husband a widower. I am re-learning many skills and making an impact in lives, because of the strokes, living a platform I didn't want,. I feel thoughtful today, I can't quite wrap my head around nearly a decade.  I am very thankful. Overwhelmingly grateful. Happy. Joyful. Awe-filled Also a little sad. Melancholy. Disoriented. Confused. Bewildered. Many memories of this past decade ar...

With babies in Heaven as well as the blessing of raising children on earth, Mother's Day is always a mixed bag of extreme emotions for me. Undoubtedly, I am overwhelmingly thankful for my living miracles, likely much more aware of what a gift they are than I would have been had they come easily. Perhaps intensified by "knowing what I am missing" as I watch my earthly children grow, though it has been over 19 years since my 3rd pregnancy loss, my heart is still tender concerning my kids no longer here. Read more  about infertility, miscarriage, and adoption loss, at  JenniferSaake.blogspot.com/2021/04/hannahs.html  and be my guest to read the first chapter of my book, Hannah's Hope , free at   hannahshopebook.com/media/HannahHopeChapter1.pd This will be my first MD in a new church and I already know that there will be a baby dedication ceremony this week, so I'm half holding my breath as I wait to see how the service will unfold. Thankfully, we are a verse-by-ve...

This article has been updated and re-published at  https://infertilitymom.substack.com/p/the-infertilitymom-journey-infertility .  From 1992-2006, Rick and I prayed for children. We spent more than a decade seriously entrenched in the daily struggles of infertility, demanding costly emotional, medical, and financial investments. We opened our hearts to thirteen children we longed to parent. We grieved ten babies we did not get to raise (miscarriages and adoption losses). We've experienced the indescribable joy of parenting three living miracles. Since 1996, I've participated in a variety of online forums and platforms, first using pseudonyms related to  Hannah , then  over the past two decades, as  @InfertilityMom . I  founded  Hannah's Prayer Ministries  in 1994 , and authored   Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility, Miscarriage, and Adoption Loss  in 2005. Please  enjoy  a free pdf version of the book...