39 to 49

 I turned 39 less than 3 months before my strokes. 

This month I'll turn 49.

I wasn't supposed to live. Not alive to the hospital. Not through the first night. Not through the first three days. Not through the first week...

Surviving an entire decade makes no sense, medically speaking.

I am (now) beyond grateful. (Oh boy, was I mad I had survived at first though!)

I've gotten to raise two kids into adulthood and another is starting his second year of high school next month. (My initial worry that I would never get to raise them, was for totally different reasons!)

I did not leave my husband a widower.

I am re-learning many skills and making an impact in lives, because of the strokes, living a platform I didn't want,.

I feel thoughtful today, I can't quite wrap my head around nearly a decade. 

I am very thankful. Overwhelmingly grateful. Happy. Joyful. Awe-filled

Also a little sad. Melancholy. Disoriented. Confused. Bewildered. Many memories of this past decade are exceedingly devastating to revisit.

This is absolutely not the life I had imagined. It is way harder, yet so much better, than my wildest dreams. 

Though our circumstances may differ greatly, I bet you can relate a bit.

What did you expect life to hold?

How have your dreams been fulfilled or disappointed?

What would you change if you could? Why?

What unscripted turns would you never have asked for, but wouldn't trade in hindsight?

Won't you please tell me in the comments? I would love to know how to pray for you!

In you, O LORD, do I take refuge,,, For you are my rock and my fortress; and for your name’s sake you lead me and guide me,,, I trust in the LORD. I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love, because you have seen my affliction; you have known the distress of my soul... Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eye is wasted from grief; my soul and my body also. For my life is spent with sorrow, and my years with sighing... But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, “You are my God.” My times are in your hand... Blessed be the LORD, for he has wondrously shown his steadfast love to me,,, Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the LORD!

- excerpts from Psalm 31

All Scripture on this post is quoted from the English Standard Version (ESV) as posted at Bible Gateway.

I would love to meet you through social media:


Specialty pages:
    infertility / loss - fb.com/HannahsHopeBook
    stroke - fb.com/StrokieGal
    current book project on church deception - fb.com/DeceptionUnmasked

Pinterest @InfertilityMom
Instagram @InfertilityMom

My books:

Read more about infertility, miscarriage, adoption loss, and my first book, Hannah's Hope (written pre-stroke), at JenniferSaake.blogspot.com/p/Hannahs.html

 
Please enjoy a free pdf version of the introduction, my personal infertility / loss story, and the first chapter of Hannah's Hope at www.hannahshopebook.com/media/HannahHopeChapter1.pdf

Read about our current book project I am co-authoring with Carolyn Howell, author of Foodborne Dementia, about deception in the church, at JenniferSaake.blogspot.com/2021/04/DeceptionUnmasked.html




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